I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
