i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
