just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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