I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
