she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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