I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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