I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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