Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
