I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
