You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
