Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
