girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
