So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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