They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
