its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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