i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
