She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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