I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
