it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
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I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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