Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
