I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
