just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
