you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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