At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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