Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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