Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
