jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
