It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
