Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
