do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize