The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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