that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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