who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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