If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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