Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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