I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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