please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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