You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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