sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
