did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
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Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This is classic penis vs brain.
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Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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