it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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