You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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