I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
