I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
