yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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