he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
