I am puke
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
