We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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