what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
