im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
