Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
