That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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