your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
