PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
