I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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