kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
