He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
