Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
