At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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