he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
