I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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